Serial dater and serial dating
To get started, I posted an ad on an online dating site.I asked a girlfriend to take a picture of me bathed in late afternoon sunlight and wore the most glamorous smile I could muster.Maybe the person you’re dating isn’t that crazy about you, but you’re just making things so damn easy that he or she sticks around. Maybe it’s because people just want what everyone else wants.I bet you’d give that slacker the heave-ho if you had other cuties to compare him or her to. Whatever the reason, dates beget dates, which is great for your ego. One rejection makes you want to hibernate in the frozen dessert aisle for the winter.I didn't kiss any of these men, reserving physical contact for the one—I might as well say it—who would eventually win my heart.After years alone, on the cusp of my 35th birthday, I was serious. Serial daters measure their relationships in weeks or months instead of years.We are ever aware of all the delicious options out there… Much like power or credit cards, serial dating is not inherently good or bad on its own. Many people I’ve met could stand to benefit greatly by adopting our “more is more” mindset. Dating a variety of prospects and not getting attached too quickly is stereotypically the realm of men.
"It was really nice to meet you," the tall, good-looking athlete wrote me in an e-mail after Date Number Two, "but I didn't feel that indescribable something that would tell me we're a match." I sat there looking at my computer screen. In a subsequent telephone conversation, my whole body tensed while I told him that I didn't get the sense he was the right one and that I didn't want either of us to waste precious time. I was looking for someone who could see my best self despite my imperfections.A gentle but strong man with the capacity to become as deeply devoted to me as I would be to him. I suspected it might take awhile to find him in greater Los Angeles, and I was right.I was either (a) busy, (b) dating someone else, or (c) moving to Siberia for a year. A few talked me into dates or, worse, relationships. It's embarrassing to admit that I was learning the very basics about personal boundaries at the age of 34. Like a suit of comfortable, lightweight body armor, my newly declared boundaries kept me safe. "Hmm...maybe," I thought when I spied him waiting across the Art Deco lobby of a seaside hotel. I never expected my man would come from a faraway continent where he was raised on a tea plantation, but he does. They repeatedly tested my ability to speak up or to stay quiet when I needed to.I marvel to think I left the nest without ever learning how to verbalize my own needs and desires. At times my faith flagged, like when the well-spoken National Guard pilot bought me a single California roll for dinner and called for the check. They certainly taught me to appreciate the man who, in the end, answered not only my ad but my dreams.
But at the same time, there are just as many who go overboard and may want to stop the insanity already. It’s counterintuitive but freeing as hell for a female to view dating like the Testosterone League does. You have so few dates you view each one as crucial.